Winged_Wolf
11-23-2005, 04:18 AM
You will need:
1 whole cow
1 whole pig
1 whole sheep
1 extra large turkey
1 large duck
1 chicken
1 quail
Seasonings to taste.
A backhoe
A shovel
1 ton of charcoal
4 gallons of lighter fluid
10 100% undyed cotton sheets
10 100% undyed cotton blankets
Heavy cotton cord and a strong needle you can thread it through.
Stuffing
Water
A small crane.
Sturdy corrugated sheet metal.
First, dig a really BIG hole. Really big.
Make wide ledges set into the sides at intervals. You'll also need some undyed cotton sheets and blankets.
Acquire about a ton of charcoal, and pile it into the bottom of the pit, and thick layers across all of the ledges. Apply lighter fluid liberally, and set it all alight. Let that burn for a while.
While the fire pit's being lit, get yourself the whole cow, and debone it. Make sure you have nice, sharp knives for this considerable job. Set the cow aside, and prepare the big, sheep, turkey, duck, chicken, and quail the same way.
On a clean plastic tarp, lay out several of the cotton sheets, overlapping. Soak them with water. Take the chicken, and line the cavity with a bit of stuffing, then place the quail inside. Close the chicken. Open up the duck, line with a bit of stuffing, and place the chicken inside. Close the duck. Open up the turkey, line with stuffing, and place the duck inside. Close the turkey. Open up the sheep, line with liberal amounts of stuffing, and place the turkey inside. Close the sheep. Open up the pig, line with stuffing, and place the sheep inside. Close the pig. Open up the cow, line with plenty of stuffing, and place the pig inside. Close the cow.
Using the cotton cord, carefully sew the cow shut, using a whip-stitch. Wrap the stuffed cow in the wet sheets. Add more soaked sheets until the cow is completely and tightly wrapped. Next, soak the blankets and wrap the cow in these as well. The coals in the pit should now be covered with a fine layer of white ash. Lower the wrapped cow carefully into the pit using the crane. Cover the pit with corrugated sheet metal, and pile dirt over top until it is completely encased, except for one small opening provided by one of the corrugations in the metal sheets.
Check once a day, adding charcoal. Re-wet blankets, turning the stuffed cow over to access both sides. Re-cover.
In about 4 or 5 days, your Mega-Turcken should be fully cooked!
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Ok, yes, I'm JOKING...but if you want to try it...let me know if it works!
1 whole cow
1 whole pig
1 whole sheep
1 extra large turkey
1 large duck
1 chicken
1 quail
Seasonings to taste.
A backhoe
A shovel
1 ton of charcoal
4 gallons of lighter fluid
10 100% undyed cotton sheets
10 100% undyed cotton blankets
Heavy cotton cord and a strong needle you can thread it through.
Stuffing
Water
A small crane.
Sturdy corrugated sheet metal.
First, dig a really BIG hole. Really big.
Make wide ledges set into the sides at intervals. You'll also need some undyed cotton sheets and blankets.
Acquire about a ton of charcoal, and pile it into the bottom of the pit, and thick layers across all of the ledges. Apply lighter fluid liberally, and set it all alight. Let that burn for a while.
While the fire pit's being lit, get yourself the whole cow, and debone it. Make sure you have nice, sharp knives for this considerable job. Set the cow aside, and prepare the big, sheep, turkey, duck, chicken, and quail the same way.
On a clean plastic tarp, lay out several of the cotton sheets, overlapping. Soak them with water. Take the chicken, and line the cavity with a bit of stuffing, then place the quail inside. Close the chicken. Open up the duck, line with a bit of stuffing, and place the chicken inside. Close the duck. Open up the turkey, line with stuffing, and place the duck inside. Close the turkey. Open up the sheep, line with liberal amounts of stuffing, and place the turkey inside. Close the sheep. Open up the pig, line with stuffing, and place the sheep inside. Close the pig. Open up the cow, line with plenty of stuffing, and place the pig inside. Close the cow.
Using the cotton cord, carefully sew the cow shut, using a whip-stitch. Wrap the stuffed cow in the wet sheets. Add more soaked sheets until the cow is completely and tightly wrapped. Next, soak the blankets and wrap the cow in these as well. The coals in the pit should now be covered with a fine layer of white ash. Lower the wrapped cow carefully into the pit using the crane. Cover the pit with corrugated sheet metal, and pile dirt over top until it is completely encased, except for one small opening provided by one of the corrugations in the metal sheets.
Check once a day, adding charcoal. Re-wet blankets, turning the stuffed cow over to access both sides. Re-cover.
In about 4 or 5 days, your Mega-Turcken should be fully cooked!
-------------------------------------------
Ok, yes, I'm JOKING...but if you want to try it...let me know if it works!